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this is your second chance.
once in a life time you let something go and you have a chance to get it back.
so you either catch it or let it go forever. | | |
| never thought i will come to this stage.
never thought i would ever, ever put myself in such kind of a risk.
my heart is bouncing out of control. my thought is sucked away.
the uncertain, waiting for an announcement feeling is nevious enough.
but this time i'm not at this stage for couple minutes like how i was opening acceptance letter or waiting for exam results.
i have to be in this stage for quite a long while.
i don't know if my health will be able to support me thru this.
but i will hold on and insist.
i'm putting out all i have this time. put myself in an unimaginable and weakest position.
sometimes we just need to follow our heart, listen to ourselves and make a decision that will put ourselves at risk.
this is what love is. non meausureable. irrational.
but at the end, we will receive a prize that is so great that we can never imagine.
trust me.
and orion. i know you have been very supportive and such a good friend.
but for this time, i'll have to keep all this to myself and not share with you.
don't ask and don't comment.
so all i ask for you is to look up to the sky every night (the favourite thing you wanna do)
and wish all the best for me.
i know you will wish me luck.
| | |
| talked to a coworker who is at the age of my mom last nite.
it was inspiring.
she said,
i'm lucky becoz i know who i am
and i'm brave enough to admit it to myself
so i should have no regrets
but funny that when i told her i'd prefer someone older.
she said i don't
she said i'm demanding...hahahaha.
she said i'm good at being the strength of someone else and take care of others
so i won't want someone older conflicting with me...(unless the older person is less mature than i'm)
hahaha....sounds true wor
thank you wor.......... | | |
| read a very interesting article from Time mag.
AD-DICT-ION
"Addiction has a specific definition: you are unable to stop when you want to, despite [being] aware of the adverse consequences. lt permeates your life; you spend more time satisfying [your craving]." -- Dr. Nora Volkow
"Addiction is not just about substances. Addiction is about disrupting the processing of pleasure; the balance point is shifted so you keep creating more and more urges, and you keep wanting more and more." -- Dr. Martin Pulus
"Addictions occur when behaviors start to become excessive. They are driven by our systems that stand up, shake us and say "The brain is saying this is good; we should do it again." -- Joseph Frascella
So basically i'm addicted to a person.
but fortunately the article says there is cure.
1. find ways to talk myself out of it.
2. find someone to help me do so.
3. scientists say extinguishing urges is not a matter of gettig the feelings to fade, but of helping the addict learn a new form of conditioning.
can do 1 and 2. and 3 means finding a replacement ? ok. will do. | | |
| have to let go
save myself from hell
bcoz people already moved forward
leaving me behind in the past
long time ago thought about dating other people
but i felt like betraying her.....
so i didn't do it.
stupid me stupid me.
i look smarter than i am.
what the fuck was i doing?!
yesterday was the first time i knew i totally lost her.
she told me she likes someone else.
she gave her heart to someone else.
but she never returned me with my heart.
i tried to tell myself to wish the best for her.
but fuck i'm the best already.
maybe she just needs someone that's good enough.
today i promise myself i need to save myself.
i'll learn to take my heart back.
stop thinking about her.
but here in vancouver, there seems to be memory of her everywhere i go.
i'll try hard. force myself to stop.
means more tennis, golf, gym, bike.
would she feel sad if i stop loving her?
or she already doesn't care?
Offical date to me
June 12, 2001 to July 27, 2007
life has to be better without me.
that's how it should be isn't it. | | |
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